Balance and Vitality

Studying the Alexander Technique is an experience like no other. Most learning takes us systematically from the unknown to the known; the Alexander Technique takes us from what we already know, throws us into the unknown, and teaches us to deal with it.

When we stay centered in the face of the unknown, life opens up. By going inward, we expand. By focusing on ourselves, we can accomplish more. By taking care of ourselves, we take better care of others.
 
Each person's journey is different. The process isn't always easy or comfortable; fundamental change requires courage and commitment. And we never, ever know beforehand where the journey will take us.
 
This blog is one student's lesson-by-lesson account, written in her own words as she steps off from the known into the unknown. I'm grateful to Etta for sharing her experiences with us. I draw inspiration from her voice, and I hope you will, too.

About Me:
Age: 30; Occupation: Writer
Moved to Paris in mid-January 2007.
First AT session July 2007.

Issues:
Self-esteem
Frequent headaches and mild back pain
Anger/stress management
Creative blocks

"Selling Points":
Agreed with basic AT principles of mind-body connection.
AT sessions covered by NHS in UK, required course at Juilliard.
"If I only do what I've ever done, I'll only get what I've ever got."
Alexis' Summer Special (buy 4 sessions, get one free).

I was nervous about my first AT session. I'd picked up a book about the Alexander Technique on a lark at W.H. Smith but I really didn't know what to expect.

First, Alexis guided me through some "chair work", which (as you may have guessed) involved sitting down and standing up. Not exactly challenging physically -- but after a lifetime of slouching, sitting correctly is far from intuitive. I don't remember ever sitting down without aiming my butt at the seat and collapsing on it. This motion is much more fluid but I couldn't explain the mechanics of sitting down à la Alexander.

Next came "table work", which (you guessed it) involved lying down, knees bent, head slightly elevated. Alexis used a light touch to ...align me, I guess. It was surprising to see just how much I tense my body even when I am lying down. Alexis instructed me to imagine my whole body lengthening. I ended the session with my arms feeling disproportionately long. No such luck for my legs.

Overall, it was relaxing and interesting but most importantly, weird. My body was not used to those movements, which felt bizarre but natural at the same time. Finally, I understand what people mean when they say that it's a tough thing to explain in words. Four sessions left of my Summer Special and my interest is piqued.

More of the same. Found myself very aware of my simian slouch when I was sitting in bed watching DVDs between sessions 1 and 2. What am I supposed to do? Buy new furniture??

I was feeling like I was getting the hang of this sit-stand exercise when Alexis says, "Today we're going to try something different." Part of me is excited because as great as sitting and standing are, you do wonder where it's going. Meanwhile, my inner Type A is quietly praying that the new exercise will not require flexibility or a sense of humour.

"Can you juggle?"

This may not sound like a big deal to normal people but I hate myself when I can't do something. Alexis plops three colorful balls into my sweaty hands and I freeze up in the face of my plush vinyl nemesis.

Of course I can't juggle, and I feel like an idiot for overreacting. I feel better when Alexis tells me about a former student who stopped taking classes shortly after she introduced the juggling balls.

But you know, I did rather enjoy it despite myself. 

More juggling, and I am still throwing two of the three balls all over the room. Alexis has forbidden me from picking them up myself, which runs counter to everything my mother ever taught me. I find my body wanting to squat down and pluck them off the floor involuntarily, as if it were on auto-pilot.

We try a throw-throw-catch-catch exercise: throw ball L with the left hand, throw ball R with the right when L reaches its peak, catch L with the right, catch R with the left. At one point, I manage to catch both balls. Drunk on my success, I get over-ambitious and I don't replicate the result again before the session is over. How's that for a parable?

Last session in my Summer Special. One of my first questions concerned the number of sessions it would take to get results -- a good example of what Alexander called "end-gaining".

End-gaining is my MO; I understand it to mean the act of being so focused on the end that the means becomes secondary. It seems that end-gaining is the big no-no in the Alexander Technique, which is all the convincing I need to continue my sessions.

Nothing too life-changing has happened to me yet but I sense a twinge of hope that my life could be better. That, and I am pretty amazed that I can sit on the metro comfortably without leaning on anything between Porte Dauphine and République.

Alexis has told me that results stemming from doing the Alexander Technique vary from person to person. Apparently it is common for the Alexander Technique to trigger drastic life changes. Reflecting on that, I realize that I have suddenly started looking for a used guitar and affordable tennis lessons.

After the last session, I asked Alexis about the application of AT to running. She lent me a copy of Master the Art of Running: Raising Your Performance With the Alexander Technique, which gave some interesting tips. Looking forward to trying them out to see if it will solve the problem of the recurring blister on the arch of my left foot. Alexis also lent me another book, Impro: Improvisation and the Theatre, not an AT book per se, but a thought-provoking read all the same. The recommended section was called "Status" and discussed the motivations behind every word we speak and every gesture we make. I was particularly interested in the sub-section on "Space", since I seem to get trampled and bumped into everywhere I go in Paris -- a real source of stress for me.

Because I asked about running, we did a little bit of walking today with Alexis holding my head in a particular position and reminding me to use my hip joints. Now that felt weird. I felt light and a little bit glamorous, even. Unfortunately I haven't been able to achieve that effect on my own thus far.

Otherwise, the AT sessions have proceeded in much the same format: 20 minutes of chair work, followed by 20 minutes of table work. I find that I really look forward to the sessions as a way to relax and feel hopeful about my future.

 

Something unexpected has happened since I started my AT sessions with Alexis. I've really started to enjoy music.

My first music teacher was this really scary nun, who walked with a cane. If ever you messed up, she would reach over her desk and drag you to the front of the class with her staff, by the neck, for some good old-fashioned public humiliation. My second (and last) music teacher was not a nun, nor did she have a cane. She nevertheless ranked no lower on the bogeyman scale, though her methods were more catty. So all things considered, I forgive myself for not being that big on music. I didn't even realize how much I had missed it.

During AT sessions we don't do anything remotely musical (thank god). It really is mostly sitting, standing, and lying down. Okay, I also talk my head off so it could be like therapy in that way, but I've always done that with very little benefit.

That is the toughest thing to explain about AT. The sessions are really simple and can seem rootless for a goal-oriented person, which I think most people are nowadays. You sit and stand and lie down, you leave feeling relaxed and a bit taller, but then you notice random changes when you least expect it.  

What a week. Without getting into too much detail, I had a meltdown and a good few days to myself scrutinizing my inner demons. Funny enough, Alexis had just lent me Healing Back Pain: The Mind-Body Connection by John E. Sarno as the latest installment of my self-improvement re-education program. In it, Dr. Sarno talks about how most back (or neck, or knee, or wrist, or whatever) pain is caused by unconscious negative emotions. Following my tantrum, I promptly developed a backache. So predictable!

I'd heard that very often, uncomfortable situations arise for students of the Alexander Technique. I can deal with the embarrassment and disappointment, as long as the event was triggered by AT. As long as it's a step in the right direction.

On the topic of the book -- It's an interesting read, even for people who don't have particularly bad back pain. Dr. Sarno says that contrary to popular opinion, the back is not a delicate structure that can be destroyed by sleeping on a soft mattress or by not bending the knees to pick something up, which made me question how AT fits into this line of thinking. If back pain is purely psychological, what is the purpose of learning the Alexander Technique, the cornerstone of which is correct sitting/standing? Alexis had an interesting take on this.

The way she sees it, AT isn't so much about sitting or standing as it is about centering oneself (though of course, good posture certainly helps). I agree that AT is centering. It's difficult to explain how sitting or standing can influence the way you think but... it just does. Maybe through making you question the basic things you always took for granted, like what "sitting up straight" looks like. Or maybe it's more about shifting focus from all the things that don't ultimately matter that much (annoying colleague, not having enough money to buy that bag) to the one thing that really does matter (you).

Did some more chair and table work today. Feeling light and relaxed.